Pointless

Why, everytime the things that I want, isnt there for me.
Why, everytime im hoping for that thing, is not appearing.
Why, happiness is not within my reach.
Why, I just want someone to care for me, to be there for me always, is not here.
Why, can life be so miserable, always waiting and waiting for something to happen but its not for me.
Why, do we still live.
Why, I felt so empty.
Why........

Heart is just breaking, flowing out. I cant stop it. I dont know what I want. Can I be selfish. Can I just keep it to myself. Can I just say, I want what I want. Is it really my fate, my life, that from now till the end of my life, I will be living like this. Seeking for the one, but is not here. Telling myself, it will be, but its not.

Tears are meant for who? For myself? Why cry? Why need to.

Why simple is so complicated.
Why.

Meaningless.
Pointless.

Ways.

Tried lots of ways to look forward to something. To crave for something. To seek for something. To hunt for something. But at the end of the day, at night, my heart just feels dead. Had to make every night so tired till can fell asleep. I dont know how long does this thing going to work and last.

What I want? 

Seeking death can be easy.
But, really I should?

Boring.

Still sick of life. What I Want now? Everything seems so boring.

Alone....

I think I still have to face it alone.

Failure

I scared I failed.

Tears

Now. Every night. I cry myself to sleep, hoping the next day I will feel better and work things out. But its just got worst.

Everyday, I ponder, if that car just bang me. If I just slip to death. If my head bang and bled till death. If the knife stab me into pieces. If I can just leave the world. Will it be better? Why when I tried to attempt to meet death, but im still here. Why?

What am I thinking about? Why I really want? What the God wants me to do? Im very tired. Enough of the obstacles that you put me through every year, every month, every week, every hour, every minute, every second. I had enough. I dont want to always face all this. I just want a normal life. Why you cant give me that? Why you cant? Why you just want to see me so miserable everyday? Why.....

Who to talk to.
Who dares to listen.
Who willing to understand me.
Who wants to help me.

No one. But yourself.
But I cant even face this myself. Can I avoid the whole world now? Can I? I cant. Exams exams exams. Stepping into the exam hall without any preparation just makes me fear.... Fear.... Fear....

Time

Always been looking at the clock, hoping things will change for the better. But, it seems not to. I know obstacles always be there for me. Yet I surrender to it. How could this happen? It shouldnt be this way. Shouldnt be. I should fight through my way. But I got no energy to do so. I just want to rot. I just cant. Its not me anymore.

Books

Books are my real world.
That opens my heart.
I need to calm myself down before talking to others.
Right now, is not the real me.
Is a girl who filled with negativity and anger.
I dont want to be the one who annoys people. Who throw temper easily.
I want to be my real self. Calm in handling all situations.

I know school is filling me with tons of negative stress that I have never felt before.
Last time, I used to be able to handle all these.
Yet now, im unable to do so.
Im trying real hard to fight through this.

Sorry to those, I made you angry or sad over my awful actions.

Tired

Im tired of waiting.
Is this really what I want?
Is this the feeling I want?

I just Rather be alone.
No distractions.
No worrying about others.
Freedom at ease.
Doing things as and when I like.

:(

This semester is just not me at all. Sick of now. Really no feel to study!!! Faster exams and get done with. I need to rest. 😭

2 weeks

2 weeks as of now. 😊

LIFE STILL GOES ON.

Trust

All in all, is just a word trust, that holds the bond within us. :)

HI IM HAVING MIDTERM TODAY.
PLEASE BE NICE TO ME.
I HAVE TO SCORE THIS PAPER WELL ENOUGH.
I NEED TO SU THIS MODULE BADLY.

SO APPARENTLY I STILL GOT A LOT OF THINGS TO DO AND I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT IT. HAHAHAHHAHA.