Alone....

I think I still have to face it alone.

Failure

I scared I failed.

Tears

Now. Every night. I cry myself to sleep, hoping the next day I will feel better and work things out. But its just got worst.

Everyday, I ponder, if that car just bang me. If I just slip to death. If my head bang and bled till death. If the knife stab me into pieces. If I can just leave the world. Will it be better? Why when I tried to attempt to meet death, but im still here. Why?

What am I thinking about? Why I really want? What the God wants me to do? Im very tired. Enough of the obstacles that you put me through every year, every month, every week, every hour, every minute, every second. I had enough. I dont want to always face all this. I just want a normal life. Why you cant give me that? Why you cant? Why you just want to see me so miserable everyday? Why.....

Who to talk to.
Who dares to listen.
Who willing to understand me.
Who wants to help me.

No one. But yourself.
But I cant even face this myself. Can I avoid the whole world now? Can I? I cant. Exams exams exams. Stepping into the exam hall without any preparation just makes me fear.... Fear.... Fear....

Time

Always been looking at the clock, hoping things will change for the better. But, it seems not to. I know obstacles always be there for me. Yet I surrender to it. How could this happen? It shouldnt be this way. Shouldnt be. I should fight through my way. But I got no energy to do so. I just want to rot. I just cant. Its not me anymore.

Books

Books are my real world.
That opens my heart.
I need to calm myself down before talking to others.
Right now, is not the real me.
Is a girl who filled with negativity and anger.
I dont want to be the one who annoys people. Who throw temper easily.
I want to be my real self. Calm in handling all situations.

I know school is filling me with tons of negative stress that I have never felt before.
Last time, I used to be able to handle all these.
Yet now, im unable to do so.
Im trying real hard to fight through this.

Sorry to those, I made you angry or sad over my awful actions.

Tired

Im tired of waiting.
Is this really what I want?
Is this the feeling I want?

I just Rather be alone.
No distractions.
No worrying about others.
Freedom at ease.
Doing things as and when I like.